There was this kid, back in the day, who would carry his .22 rifle, brazen as ever, through town on his way to the river. Across the bridge was wilderness, raw, wild, and endless. That’s where he would spend the day, listening to the land, reading the signs, and constantly vigilant for the danger that lurked everywhere.
Good and law-abiding folks walking along Main Street would say their good mornings despite the kid being close to a decade shy of his first shave. But it wasn’t his size they paid their respects to. It was the hand-carved knife sheath tethered to his belt, and the weathered leather sling holding that Cooey rifle to his shoulder that they recognized. The eyes betrayed more miles than his face did. This wasn’t a boy out looking for nonsense and mischief. He was a hunter, by dress and demeanor, and he was heading into the wilderness.
Alone. To kill his food and bring it home.
It wasn’t for fun or sport. If that boy didn’t hunt, there wouldn’t be food on the table. But that’s a story for another day.
More than half a century later, God has blessed me with two sons. The oldest is nine, and the youngest is seven. They live in a nice house in a nice community, surrounded by love, good food, friends, and two sisters who insist on being an extra set of mothers, whether the boys like it or not. My incredible wife Ana is the kind of mother every kid dreams of having, while I stumble along beside her, doing my best to be a father. I do fall short, but my love for our children is unrelenting, thanks to God and His Holy Spirit living in me.
I don’t believe in raising my kids the way I was raised. Leaving the house with a rifle, ammo, and a big hunting knife wasn’t a cause for concern where I lived. But that was a different time with different circumstances. Most importantly, I was learning to live in a very different world from the one my kids are facing. I must prepare them for their life, not for the one that I faced as a kid.
But there are things of value I learned from my experiences growing up that I can pass on. I think kids need to wander through the wilderness and learn how to survive there. They need to learn about weapons and tools, and how to handle and use them. They need to explore, get muddy and dirty, and have adventures unencumbered by a doting mother and fear-mongering father.
My job is to teach them the right way so they understand what is dangerous, how to do things safely, how to read their environment and identify dangers or risks, and how to avoid them. And then there is a time to let them fly solo so they can use what they have learned, and feel what it’s like to fend for themselves.
I’d rather my sons and daughters grow up comfortable and knowledgeable about dangerous things and places rather than naive and afraid. They know how to look for animal droppings, snake holes, and other signs that dangerous creatures could be nearby. At home, we build things with power tools, chop up branches, whittle and carve with our knives, and climb on ladders.
I teach them how to be safe, how to be careful, and then how to do dangerous things in the safest way possible. The more we do and the more they learn, the more confident, responsible, and careful they become. They learn how to be brave and bold, courageous and responsible. They learn to take care of things and not leave everything for someone else.
Ana is a nurturing, loveing and protective mother, so she prefers a tighter grip than I do. But she knows our children need their father just as much for the things that I teach and do with them. We do all things in agreement as husband and wife, so she lets go when it’s my time with our kids, just as I let go when it’s hers.
I believe that is God’s way, and that’s why fathers are just as important to a child as their mother is, and should be just as active in their child’s upbringing as the mother is. We are more than providers, gentlemen; we are the head of our home. It’s our job to teach our boys to be good men, and we must be an example of what our daughters should choose for a husband. It’s a huge responsibility, and it’s ours to carry. And if you don’t feel equipped, you are not alone. I couldn’t do this without being committed to Jesus Christ. I pray every time I run into trouble, so I spent a whole lot of time talking to God each day. But he gets us through it if we can be humble and just ask him to, then do what he tells us to do.
Here are some of the scriptures I lean on:
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
Philippians 4:13
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” Matthew 7:7-8
You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Deuteronomy 6:5–8
Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
