Ana and I married in 2012 after more than four years of dating. We had both endured previous marriages that failed miserably, and we needed time to heal and grow. There was no pressure from her or me to rush things along. We just enjoyed our time together without pressure to take any next steps.
In the process, we got to see each other at our best, and our worst. I never enjoyed those rough spotsbut while working through them we discovered the truth about each other and ourselves. We both wanted to solve the problem more t
han win the dispute. It was always our goal to understand first before we were understood. We listened, weighed the words, and spoke kindly as we made our points. We learned something each time, and our trust grew stronger. We remained patient, gentle, and kind with each other no matter how tempting it was to get frustrated and hurtful. We were sincerely apologetic when we were wrong, and quickly forgiving when we weren’t. And because we did all that, we felt valued, respected, heard, and cared about.
We knew we weren’t perfect, but we knew each other’s hearts. We are both Christians, so we did our best to see the heart of Jesus in our relationship. That didn’t mean we were free of problems though.
I look back now and don’t remember any specific problems, but I am living with the blessings of us working through them together. We have three incredible children, a home in a town we prayed we would find to raise them. We have careers we prayed for, a church we prayed for, and countless other blessings. This is the life we wanted and prayed for and God answered those prayers in his timing.
It wasn’t handed to us. We aren’t more special than anyone else that believes in Him. We just chose to do the work and that means we had to come against temptation and face our sins first admitting them and then repenting for them so we could wipe the slate clean by His grace and do better next time. In our relationship, and later our marriage, the “Love Chapter” was our road map, the template to let us know if we were loving the way God teaches us to love.
It’s one of my favorite parts of the Bible.
Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;
does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;
does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 NKJV
It’s not always easy because our sinful nature wants to keep score and try to win and to say and do hurtful things when we feel justified and tempted to do so. Our sinful nature is weak because, without Jesus, we are weak. Satan is a liar and tempter and he will try to convince us to give in and do what we desire rather than what is right. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and Satan is not happy until he has taken one of God’s children and destroyed them. We can resist but that choice is ours.
When Ana and I chose to walk with God and do the right thing rather than the thing we felt tempted to do or justified in doing, we were blessed with a growing trust and a stronger marriage.
God is love. And God wants husbands and wives to love each other and to be loved. Ana and I work at it every day, and it’s not always easy, but the rewards for living the words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 are immeasurable.
