You know those memes where it shows the cool picture of what you think you look like beside the far less flattering one of how you really look. Well, that was me this week when I came up with the hair-brained idea to run a mile on the beach.
Let’s talk about physics for a minute. Actually, I never took physics in high school so I have no business pretending to know the first thing about the subject,it just sounded like a sophisticated way to start this story. Anyway. When you run on the beach, the sand displaces under your foot so you never really get the same amount of thrust per stride as you would on a firm surface. What that means is about a minute into your run you can’t breathe and your ass and legs are on fire, which leaves you wondering how the heck you are going to worm your way out of this debacle with your ego intact. Stupidity can, at times, take you a long way and on this particular day it convinced me to finish what I started and moved my “husky” and ill-prepared frame a half a mile down the beach and another half a mile back.
I was purple-faced and clinging to life when I finally returned to my loving family and I haven’t been able to move from the waist down since.
And so I sit here, poised at the keyboard, tapping out this little ditty for you and letting on to my wife and kids that that my butt and legs are completely functional. They aren’t but I find solace in knowing Ana will never read this article and therefore, my secret will remain just that.
Running on the beach the very first time is much harder than it appears and so I advise strongly against it. Subsequent attempts, I have been told, are much easier, so I would recommend sticking to those instead.