I got up early to watch the sunrise this morning. It was raining, and that made the desert air uncharacteristically fresh and cool. I dug out a hoodie I haven’t worn since spring and drove to an overpass near our home that has an excellent view of Las Vegas. Ana wasn’t feeling well, so she remained buried beneath a mountain of fluffy white blankets and pillows, and two equally cozy and unconscious dogs.
And yes, as I stood out in the rain waiting for the sun to come up I wondered if I had rocks in my head for leaving.
An hour later, soaking wet and feeling quite philosophical, I drove home, grinning one of those yoga-type grins. It felt good to be out there enjoying nature, but I felt tired. Not the sleepy physical kind, I felt mentally tired. No spark, no imagination. I resisted starting to work and instead, made a pot of hot tea then sat outside at our patio table and pondered life. I love mornings, yet I rarely take the time to enjoy them. With a big sip of warm tea dissolving the work week away, I got thinking about the things I love do do that I’ve set aside for less fulfilling things, just because they screamed louder and stamped their feed harder.
Photography just for the fun of it is one of those things I miss. Doing bookkeeping on a Saturday morning is not.
I finished my tea, came inside, and went up to my office. I started going through some old pictures of Ana that I took. Shooting Ana is one of my greatest loves. When we get the chance to slow down and have fun, that usually involves her modeling for me. It’s how photographer and model geeks like to play. Thumbing through the pictures on my computer brought back a million beautiful memories of days just like this one that I chose to spend differently. Those days made the work fly by, gave me incredible ideas, and endless energy. Ana was happier, I was happier, the food was better, the sleep was sounder, I laughed more and loved more and few things bothered me.
I barely shot any pictures of her this year, or last, and while I know we have been busy, if we can’t enjoy the things we love, then we are too busy. Life can be a slavedriver and if you aren’t careful, you can wake up one day trying to remember the last time you truly did something that made your heart happy. I’ve set things like that aside far too often and life got away on me.
Today we are going to change that.